04 Overcoming our Inward Shame

OVERCOMING OUR INWARD SHAME

Copyright © Michael A. Brown 2017 

‘…and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden’ (Gen. 3:8)

‘Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting’ (Ps. 139:23-24)


Reading: Genesis 3:1-21
In hiding
      WHEN God looked for Adam and his wife in the garden after they had disobeyed him, to walk with them and to enjoy fellowship with them, he found that they had hidden themselves from him.  Their sin had produced fear, shame and feelings of guilt within them, so their reaction was to run away from God and to try to hide themselves: ‘I heard you...  I was afraid...  so I hid’ (Gen. 3:10).  They could not face God, so they tried to hide their sin, out of fear that it would be exposed, and that they might be rejected and judged.  They understood that they had a problem and they tried to cover up the outward physical shame of nakedness with fig-leaves, but the real problem was within their hearts, of course.  Sin produces feelings of guilt and inward shame in our hearts and, as a result, we try to cover it up, being afraid to face our real inward selves and God.
There are other examples in the Scriptures in which we can perhaps discern this sense of inward shame.  When King David became aware that his sinful liaison with Bathsheba had led to her becoming pregnant, he tried to cover his sin up by committing another sin, this time against her husband Uriah (2 Sam. 11).  The prodigal expressed his sense of shame at his wilfulness and profligate conduct with his words: ‘I have sinned against heaven and against you.  I am no longer worthy to be called your son’ (Luke 15:21).  Peter’s open denial of Christ three times caused him to go outside and weep bitterly (Luke 22:54-62), feeling ashamed at himself for not standing faithfully by Jesus, and so on.
The inward shame caused by ways in which we may have lived, behaved, spoken and conducted ourselves – or the consequences of such – and any associated feelings of guilt, can cause us to respond much as Adam and his wife did: we bury things deep within our hearts and cover them up for fear of being known for who and what we really are.  We avoid the embarrassment and humiliation which would be caused by open exposure of shame hidden within.  So our points of shame become our inward secrets, known only to ourselves, hidden behind a veil deep within.  We hide our real inward self.
The obsession with outward image in westernized societies can sometimes – but not always – be simply a mask to cover over deep inward insecurity as people cannot face their real selves within.  Adam and his wife covered themselves up with fig-leaves so as not to be exposed (Gen. 3:7), and we too can use many kinds of figurative fig-leaves to cover up our real inward self.  We can simply deny that we have such inner problems; we can build a wall of protection around ourselves that no-one can penetrate; we can overdress or dress in strange ways, seeking for acceptance through our outward image; we can try to be someone that we are not, trying to be like others, so wearing a mask; we may become a perfectionist, being overly competitive or having a critical or arrogant spirit towards others; our inward insecurity can cause us to chase worldly success, thinking that through this we will be accepted by others, and so on.  However, regardless of any outward covering, a person is what they are in their hearts: as a man thinks in his heart, so is he (Prov. 23:7).  We are our secrets![1]

The crippling effects of inward shame
Inward shame can be caused in many different ways: perhaps a problem with alcohol, drugs or pornography which was rooted in deep, unhealed pain within; perhaps a problem with gambling which caused divisions within your marriage or family; perhaps the guilt and shame associated with abortion; perhaps inappropriate sexual activity or an ongoing problem with lust and pornography; perhaps the pain of a divorce which was accompanied by nasty infighting between you and your spouse; perhaps the shame of a prison record and guilt over what brought it about; perhaps simply a memory of something which happened many years ago, the pain of which still torments you, and so on.  Abuse in childhood (for which you were not guilty) causes deep unresolved feelings of shame which can bring about inward torment stretching well into adult years.
The effects of inward shame caused by sin can be spiritually crippling and can bind us.  Hiding things deep within, because we do not want to be known by others on those points, only causes us to isolate ourselves.  Such isolation then makes us easy targets for Satan, the accuser, who delights to prey on areas of inward shame and to torment us with thoughts that we can never get free of this thing, or be wanted, accepted or forgiven by God or worthy of his love, or accepted by others (cf. Zech. 3:1).
So we can end up becoming the despairing victims of ongoing, unseen, inward torment.  We cannot face or forgive ourselves, and we do not open up to others out of fear of their scrutiny, as they might simply judge, criticize and perhaps gossip about us.  We are isolated within, bound to the memory of the shame.  We do not grow beyond it and are not released from it to serve God in real freedom.  In our inward dysfunctionality, we end up struggling with a toxic mixture of shame, fear, guilt, failure, embarrassment, unworthiness, self-rejection and the fear or assumption of being rejected by others and by God, perhaps even thinking that there is something defective about us as a person.
Furthermore, it may well be true that if we opened up and shared an area of inward shame with some kinds of religious people, hoping for their help, then, rather than responding with an attitude which reflects the grace and love of God and which can help in setting us free, they might react with a judgemental or critical attitude.  Of course, this then only compounds the shame we feel and keeps us captive to it, so making it even harder for us to open up again.

The shame of the cross
In order to deal with Adam’s and his wife’s inner problem, God exposed it in grace and love.  Although there were consequences for them after their fall, yet God did not reject them, and he gave them garments of skin to be clothed with, to replace the fig-leaves they had made for themselves (Gen. 3:21).  The fig-leaves were not enough to remove the real inner problem of sin and shame (cf. Isa. 28:20). God provided for them a better covering through the shedding of blood.  This points to the forgiveness, redemption and righteousness made available through the shedding of Christ’s blood (Eph. 1:7 and cf. Rev. 6:11; 7:9,13-14).  However we try to cover up our inner problems, it is no use before God.  He can see through to our hearts and can see what lies within us, but he has also provided the way for us to be forgiven and cleansed deep within, and to be truly freed and released from our sin and shame (Rev. 1:5b).
When Jesus was crucified on the cross, he bore ALL our sins, so that God could bring forgiveness to anyone who accepts his saving work.  However, what is not often emphasized is that his atoning work on the cross also deals with our deep, inward shame.  Jesus was crucified naked, in public, outside the city on a hillside where everyone could see (Heb. 13:13).  In this open, public exposure, he experienced the intense, inward agony of what it was to feel shamed, mocked and humiliated (cf. Isa. 50:6-7).  He was not able to hide.  He was openly ‘despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and familiar with suffering’ (Isa. 53:3).  So in his atoning work he knew and identified with shame: ‘he endured the cross, scorning the shame’ (Heb. 12:2).
Hence, when we come to Jesus, we come to one who, although he was without sin himself, yet he understands our own deep, inward feelings of shame, and so in grace he can reach down into the deepest points of our shame and heal us right there, forgiving us for whatever caused the shame, and freeing us from the binding effects it has had on us.  In his grace, his own open exposure in shame brings us inward healing for our shame.

The deep, deep love of Jesus
In marriage, a husband and wife are ‘naked, and not ashamed’ (Gen. 2:25).  Being married is to know another person and to be known by them, imperfectly yet deeply and intimately, in that which we are and do, and yet still to know their love and their embrace of acceptance in spite of our weaknesses and failures.
In a similar way also, in our relationship with God, we stand naked before him and are known deeply and intimately by him in the very depths of our heart and our being.  The most inward parts of our life, where the deepest secrets are held, are unfolded to him.  God knows us through and through.  He knows the secrets of our hearts: For the word of God is living… piercing even to the dividing of soul and spirit… quick to discern the thoughts and intents of the heart… all things are naked and laid open before the eyes of him with whom we have to do’ (Heb. 4:12-13), and ‘O LORD, you have searched me and you know me’ (Ps. 139:1).
However, God does not simply know what we are deep down inside, he also loves us even more deeply.  In our shame, we find it easy to believe that he might reject us, but actually his grace and love for us are unconditional, never-ending and indeed extravagant.  Jesus took ALL our sins upon himself on the cross.  Our points of shame are precisely the places in our life that God would want us to open up to him, so that he can lavish his grace, love, acceptance, cleansing and healing of us on these points.  Our shame does not cause him to reject us; he is not offended by the symptoms.  Binding up the broken-hearted was why Jesus came (Isa. 61:1).  So he accepts us and yearns for us to be healed and set free from our shame and from the effects it has had on us, to then be able to walk in deep, inward assurance of his everlasting love and acceptance of us.  He is FOR us: ‘The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save.  He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing’ (Zeph. 3:17, cf. Rom. 8:31).
This deep love of God, by which we are brought into freedom before him, removing our sense of shame, can again be discerned in many examples in Scripture.  The prodigal was received back with compassion, he was forgiven and clothed, and there was a feast for him.  After his denials, Peter was re-commissioned in mercy and love (John 21:15-19).  The unknown, sinful woman who anointed Jesus’ feet in Simon the Pharisee’s house, was very aware within herself of Jesus’ forgiveness and she responded with deep love for him, and was sent away in peace (Luke 7:36-50).  Similarly, when she was brought to Jesus, the woman caught in adultery found herself with no accusers, and was not condemned by Jesus, but was told to go and sin no more (John 8:3-11), and so on.

Hindrances to coming out of hiding
So if there is healing for us when we are willing to come out of hiding, then we need to deal with those particular hindrances which may prevent us from coming out of hiding and opening up (cf. John 3:19-21).
Firstly, with God, there is no fear in exposure.  Our tendency might be to not believe that God still loves us utterly, when it becomes clear to us that he both sees and knows our areas of shame.  So we may make the mistake of trying to keep our shame ‘in hiding,’ and, as a result, we remain as we are.  However, ‘there is no fear in love.  But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.  The one who fears is not made perfect in love’ (1 John 4:18).  God IS love (1 John 4:8,16).  A believer who fears rejection by God simply does not yet understand God’s love well enough to know that s/he truly is forgiven and can be set completely free.  God has not given us the spirit of fear, but the spirit of love (2 Tim. 1:7 AV), so if we are willing to face ourselves as God sees us and open ourselves up to him on these points, then we can experience his love and compassion in healing and releasing us from shame.
Secondly, there may also be a tendency to feel guilty and to condemn ourselves.  However, again, grasping the depth of God’s love for us will help us to overcome this.  Jesus took God’s judgement on sin in our place on the cross, so we are accepted in Christ, the Beloved, and freed from guilt (Eph. 1:6 AV).  The blood of Jesus cleanses us from ALL sin (1 John 1:7) and it deals effectively with the inward parts of our life: it cleanses our heart and frees our conscience from guilt (Heb. 9:14, 10:22).  So we should learn to forgive ourselves just as God himself has forgiven us.  God’s love brings acceptance and healing.  Condemning ourselves locks us out from knowing God’s love and healing, and simply allows the devil to continue to accuse and torment us within.  ‘Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus…  Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?’ (Rom. 8:1,35).  Receiving God’s love for us is the key to getting release from being captives to inward torment; it disempowers Satan.
Thirdly, our pride may prevent us from coming humbly to receive God’s love to cleanse and free us within, not wanting to confess and expose our shame to him.  However, God’s grace is given to those who humble themselves; he resists the proud (1 Peter 5:5).  Pride closes the door on becoming free and rejoicing in God’s love for us.

Steps to inner freedom and healing
Humbling ourselves and opening up our area of shame to God, allows him to touch us deeply and free us at that point with his grace, love, acceptance and healing.  When we are inwardly freed from our shame and torment, resting in his love for us, we can begin to love ourselves just as God loves us.  We can confidently but humbly lift our head and our heart high, resting in the deep, inward assurance that we have been freed and that we stand clean and totally accepted before God.  We can be our real selves again, no longer needing any proverbial fig-leaves to cover ourselves up and hide our real selves from others.  We can face our accuser and tell him that everything really has been cleansed away and is under the blood of Jesus, and that the accuser of the brethren has been cast down (Rev. 12:10).  God rebukes our accuser, takes off our filthy clothes, cleanses our sin away, places new, rich garments on us and re-commissions us in his work (Zech. 3:1-7).  We are free to confidently and boldly proclaim the love and restoring power of God to others who face similar issues of shame and guilt.
The steps to inner freedom and healing from areas of inward shame are very similar to those outlined in the blog on inner hurts and wounds, and you could perhaps read those through again at this point.
a.      Face the area of shame, and open it up to God through prayer and confession, bringing it into the light together with any sin associated with it.  It might be beneficial to open up also to your pastor, who will be able to help you with mature and discreet counsel.  ‘If we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin…  If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness’ (1 John 1:7,9).

b.      Risking such exposure of your area of shame will make you feel vulnerable, at least initially.  However, this will lead to experiencing God’s acceptance and love, not his rejection, and this will help you to change any wrong patterns of thinking that you may have developed about yourself.

c.       Invite Jesus to be present – he is eternal and was there when it happened, and he knows all about it.  As you open it up to him, invite and allow him to specifically touch, cleanse, heal and free the tender, vulnerable and wounded part of you.

d.      Receive the love of God for you and the embrace of his forgiveness.  Pray for and receive complete healing in this area of your life.

e.       Forgive yourself for any sin associated with this area of shame, and enjoy the restoration of joy, hope and freedom in your heart.

f.        Take a stand of faith and command any tormenting evil spirits to depart from you.

g.      Completely release and forgive any person or people who were involved in your life concerning the area of shame.

h.      Learn to love yourself just as God loves you.  Be your real self again.

i.        Whenever you need to, tell the accuser that everything has been cleansed away and is under the blood of Christ, and that he has been cast down.

j.        As a precaution, once you have experienced the grace and love of God in healing and cleansing away your area of shame, it is perhaps wise not to simply go out and start telling everyone about the details of it.  Not all people will be mature enough to handle the weight of what you are saying, and may still simply judge or criticize you, or gossip about what you have told them, and this might then make you feel hurt or rejected again.

If shame gets hidden in the intimacy of our hearts, then healing from shame is also an intimate ministry.  What has been ministered in intimacy then needs to be handled wisely before other people.  Testimony can and should indeed be given to bring glory to God, but not all the details need to be shared or should be shared, except with those whom we know can handle what they hear with wisdom, discretion and maturity.



[1]  Bradshaw, J. Healing the Shame that Binds You, Deerfield Beach: Health Communications, 1988.

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